My Last Article This Year

It has been quite a year for me. I have spent a lot of time preparing and then writing an article for this Website. I hope that you, dear reader, have enjoyed reading the various pieces that I have written. I expect to keep on writing in the new year because I feel so happy doing so. I even enjoy the fact that many of my readers are on my side on many of the matters about which I have written. For those who are opposed, don't worry. I respect your opinions as well.

I hope that you will understand why I am going to write this particular article. To be direct, it is one of my personal ones. If it is not something that you would want to read, then I would not be upset if you chose to leave and come back in the future for a different type of article.

You see, dear reader, this time of the year is a very difficult one for me. Although I feel much better, mentally, I am still taken aback by what happened just about 3 years ago. Unfortunately for me, the thought is still there about what happened then and what it meant at the time. Even though everything has changed positively for the better, what still lingers are some horrible thoughts.

I am sure that you remember this Facebook post that I made on Christmas Day in 2014. When I checked it out again before posting this article, I noticed a couple of comments I made that were troubling. Here's what I mean:

It is exactly how I felt at the time. Nothing serious after all, just the usual kind of feeling that arose because of inclement weather.  I was certain wasn't I that I would get over this "flu" shortly because I was feeling better already.

You know well, dear reader, that I did not have the flu. Rather, it was probably the second day of the illness that could have resulted in my death in about 10 days in total unless immediate medical treatment was started. As you also know by now, that illness is virtually unknown by the medical practice in Windsor so that my recovery is amazing.

I was quite ill on December 31, 2014 and went to hospital but left after a number of hours because no one could figure out what was wrong with me, I was in the Emergency section in the hospital for quite some time already and I was positive that I felt better. Unfortunately, on New Year's day on January 1, 2015, I felt even more sick and my wife insisted that I go back to hospital immediately. I did and was admitted within 2 hours into the Emergency Section because I was in a horrific condition. I was completely sick and lost rather quickly a great part of my mind, between 90 to 95% of my mental ability.

Miraculously, I survived this horrific illness and started a process that lasted for over 2 years to get myself back as close to normal as possible. Many people who had my disease either died right away or had such an extremely poor recovery to eventually wind up in a nursing centre for the rest of their life.

If you want all the details about what I went through during this time-frame, then please just go back to my regular articles on the Website. I don't intend talking about them again in this article. There is no need to do so because you should know by now that I did so well.  Not completely, obviously, because I am still suffering from certain matters from which I will never recover. However I have done extremely well in getting back to my former normal life.

Notwithstanding how much time has passed since I first suffered this illness, how much I have learned and my great recovery, I am never going to be completely well again.  I have suffered certain losses that impact how my life is run. There is nothing I can do about it other than work around the negatives by picking up new functions to assist in trying to replace them. To be direct, that is what I am attempting to do now.

This reality does cause me concern and worries me. I know that I will suffer from some of these negatives no matter how hard I try to overcome them. I have learned that what I must do is try to put into their place whatever alternative options I can find and try to learn from them.  

Just to give you one example. Previously, I rarely put in writing the information I needed to remember in an issue in which I was dealing. My memory was that strong. Now, however, I have difficulty remembering some of the matters in which I participate. Accordingly, as required, I have to make notes of it and, more importantly, make sure that other members of my family are dealing with it as well so they can remember the facts involving the matter. I rely now upon my notes, their memory and their memos for which they are so good at writing to help me out as required.

My worry also has a role in my handling of issues in which I am involved. My role today is to solve a problem, whatever it is, in one day! I am serious: ONE DAY. I do not allow it to last any longer than that. It truly must be solved before I go to bed at the end of the day it first arises because I am afraid of what I might lose mentally if it lasts longer.

Yes, that may seem extreme or even absurd. However it is my reality, no matter what that issue is. Surprisingly, it has worked very well during this period of time from which I recovered from my illness. I had a number of very serious matters arise that I had to settle with outside parties quickly especially arising after our move to our new location in Tecumseh. And I did, all within the same day the problem arose in the first place! I was able to speak to the appropriate person on the other side and was able to resolve the situation virtually immediately in the best interest of both parties. It helped me stop worrying!

I do worry about how long I will be living. Could something happen right away now once again from what I suffered? That is a concern that I have that still gives me difficulty even if medically I am supposedly in a good condition now.  I always assumed before that I was going to live for a very long time. I don't rely upon that assumption today anymore.

I have no idea how long I am going to be alive but I now look at my life differently. I am just hopeful that I will wake up in the morning after I go to sleep the night before. I have made that my objective and hope that I can achieve it. I really am happy when I wake up and can turn on my recorder to listen to some of my favourite music. I know that I have survived for one more day.

To be honest about it, I do believe that I have a role to play although, not surprisingly, I am not sure what that role is. I do assume that one of my objectives is to make certain that each of the members of my family does very well while I am still around. I expect that my function is to help them out as best I can in what they are required to do.  

I do not know if I am also supposed to help others who may have a concern or even what my task might be.  However, I truly believe that I am to do so in return because of the great recovery that I have been given.  I believe that this duty has been "assigned" to me and I am to carry it out.  Yes, that may seem to be very peculiar to you, dear reader, but that is exactly how I feel today after what I have gone through.

Put together my personal concerns and what my duties may be with others and you will understand, dear reader, a little bit about how I am living today. Perhaps you may now understand how in this time period I still have worries as in the past even though I am very grateful that I have been recovered so well with the help of others.  But you also may understand as I do now the reason I  have been allowed to live!